As a Christian, the bible teaches me that we have the power to speak life or death with our words. So often we throw words around left and right and don't even really think about the meaning or how they may affect someone else. We say things like "I am sorry" or "I love you" or "I am here for you" etc without really thinking about what we are saying sometimes and often there are no actions to back these up and they just become empty words and broken promises. Then sometimes we speak harsh or unkind words with out thinking about the lasting affect they may have on the person they are spoken to or about. When a little kid is told often enough they are dumb or worthless and can't do anything right, pretty soon they start to believe it and give up trying. When someone is told they are fat and ugly, they begin to start to think they are nothing. Our society has become so obsessed with obesity that in their attempt to do a good thing in fighting it sometimes if not careful they are making the people who need the help a target group for being bullied and looked down on. I was once told that they are two ways to say everything and one of them is nice. I believe the truth needs to be spoken, as an obese person, I need to know that my weight and the decisions I make have an affect on my health, but the people who want to tell me this need to be sure it is said kindly. I am not a horrible person who just sits around eating because I want to make my health bad or be a drain on society or inconvenience anyone. A lot of times we have long stemming emotional issues why we eat they way we do and it is a battle that unless you have tried to fight you have no idea how hard it is or how long it may take. Sometimes words that were spoken to help, because of the way they are said or the words chosen actually do more harm. Let me share a true story with you on that.
When I was a senior in high school I was a little overweight probably 180 lbs or so. I thought I was heavy because a family member often told me how I needed to lose weight and how much better I would be if I did etc. I am sure I could have stood to lose a few pounds to be even healthier, but I was in pretty good shape, I played softball on the high school team and could walk and run and do a lot of things I can't enjoy now. Then at my high school graduation open house, this family member stood before my table of honors and achievements I had acquired in high school and looked at me and told me if I would lose weight over the summer they would pay me so much per pound as an incentive. Now I believe this person meant this in a good way as an incentive to help me however not knowing me as well as they should have, this was not how I saw it. To me they were saying that none of the awards and achievements meant a thing, I was just the fat girl who needed to lose weight, then the boys would like me. I replayed those words over and over in my head until I stopped caring, figured nothing but my weight would ever matter. I stopped exercising, stopped caring about what or how much I ate and started consuming a lot of soda. I kept this up for years, drowned my hurt in food, good ole comfort food, until I am now over 400 lbs and wow how hard it is to battle back to a healthy weight. Now let me say right off, did this family members words make me gain weight and get fatter, NO, it was my choice to let the words affect me that way. We are all responsible for our own actions and we should not blame others for our choices, I put the food in my mouth and I ignored the kind warnings of other family members and friends over the years, my point here is that we never know how our words will affect others and this family member of mine has often suggested and talked to me about my weight and needing to lose and most of the time it has a negative affect perhaps because of that day so many years ago, perhaps because I feel like all I am to them is "the fat girl", I am not sure why other than I sometimes can still feel the hurt from that day at my open house. So please when speaking to anyone, think about what you are saying and are you saying in the kindest way possible and also in the proper setting and lastly does it really need to be said at all.
So many people, especially family members mean well, when they speak about weight issues. Though it does hurt the "speakers" feelings when telling the person who is overweight of what they need to do. The overweight person already knows. So many times it is so much more than about food. It is how to heal the self first and how to learn to be full of self-esteem and then learn to be full of food when you first feel it, not out of comfort and convenience. Overweight people use food as a substitute for something that is missing throughout, something that has left them empty and broken. To fix what is broken... it all has to be "peeled off" or healed from the inside out...I know... I have been there and it is a struggle I deal with every day- but good things do happen and with that comes strength to survive. I admire your courage to write your blog and continue the healing process. Continue to take care of you. For YOU do matter.
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