Every Mountain Has A Valley On The Other Side

Things have been going so good lately for me that when I hit a bump in the road this past week I found myself complaining to God that things had been good and I did not like this feeling again of depression and being overwhelmed.  Well as I was walking that day letting God know what I thought about all this junk going on, He gave me a good message and I thought maybe some others could use it too, so let me share it.

Let me start off by saying that last January and February I was so overwhelmed with depression and feelings of failure that I thought I would drown in it all.  God told me that at that point I was so low there were only two choices, going up out of the pit or drowning in it, so with the help He gave me and through the journey He took me on I climbed out of that pit and have been on a uphill climb since.  Things have been great, seeing improvements, feeling better, feeling the burden lift.  You could say life was pretty grand so that is why I was frustrated now.  As God showed me I had been in the valley and with His help climbed up the next mountain and was on the mountain top for awhile but once you get to the other side of the mountain there is always another valley, so my choices were to stay on top of the mountain and not grow anymore or to go through the next valley with Him and trust that He would grow me and show me something good out of it.  Wow, what a truth that was.  At that point I realized a very important thing, since I had recommitted my whole life back to God last March and asked him to lead me and said that I would follow, the one thing I know for sure is that no matter what valley I have to face or roadblock life throws me or bump in the road I may hit God will be there with me walking each step of the way and helping me along and in fact at times when it gets too hard for me, He picks me up and carries me.  Valleys are not so bad if we don't walk through them alone, I hope you take God along with you as you face your valleys.

What a difference a year makes

When I stop to reflect on my life now, it is hard for me to believe I am the same person that started 2011 ready to stop fighting and just give up as it seemed no matter what I did, the depression and feeling of being overwhelmed and drowning just never got better.  It started in 2007 when my oldest brother died and though it got better from time to time, I never really dealt with all the hurt and let go of the anger, bitterness and unforgiveness that was killing me from the inside out.  I was a mess and ready to give up on some relationships because it just seemed easier than trying to fix them or working through the pain.  I was hurt, I was mad, angry and at times felt like no one cared, but really they did, they just did not know how to help me because I did not know what I needed.  By March of 2011 I could not take anymore.  I finally made an appointment to get some help and went to talk to my pastor, the smartest thing I did.  At first I was not sure how much it would help as there was a part of me who often wondered if God mattered anymore or even cared.  I learned that evening that I could not be more wrong.  God always cares even when we can not feel His love, He is always there for us.  That night as our new pastor shared things with me that I knew only God could have shown him as he had not had enough time to get to know me that well yet.  He let me know that it is not selfish for us to put ourselves first sometimes and that we need to be sure to take care of ourselves, or how can we possibly think we can help others or be there for them.  After that meeting I then found a wonderful lady in my church to begin to meet with and talk and begin to walk through the mess that had been the baggage I had been caring for 30 some years and just kept getting heavier.  It was amazing to me how when I looked at things that I had experienced through someone elses eyes, there was a different side to things and perhaps people did not mean the hurt I thought, or even know how much they had hurt me.  Of course when I got hurt I never told anyone or did anything to make it better, I always just stuffed it deep in me to rise up every time in the future I was hurt again.  I had carried some hurts since I was a child and still had not forgiven or forgotten them.  It was amazing as I sit down one night to write a letter to the  person in my life I had felt had hurt me most and let me down most even though they probably had no idea.  I wrote down each thing I was hurt by and angry over and said I forgive them for it.  The tears flowed that day like never before and I began to feel a burden be lifted.  I realized that the other person could not fix the problem because I had never let them know there was one and that I had to forgive and let the hurt go, before God could heal me.  It is amazing how last March I was ready to possibly no longer have a relationship with this person but now in just 10 months, God has healed my broken heart, showed me a different side of the person and the situations and helped me to forgive and try again.  I now enjoy spending time with this person and can say I love them very much and am glad God knows best how to fix things in our lives, even if we don't understand or like it at first.  I have not enjoyed all the years of hurt, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and rage I have carried, it has hurt me, it has hurt others around me and has affected how I look at and trust others, but all those years of mess, God can make better in just a few months.  I am now a new person and the burden has been lifted, I feel I have my joy back and that I can love others more honestly now.  I no longer live my life to please others, I live my life to please God and to do what I feel is best for me and that He is telling me to do.  Yes I have changed and not everyone likes the new changes, but I am true to me and my feelings now and honest with others and feel I can receive and give love more freely.  This amazing emotionally healing God did, is what allowed me to have the faith and courage to do what needed to be done to save my life and get me physically healthy again, I could never have done this with out the emotionally healing first.  As 2012 started I am looking forward to the doors God is opening for me to serve Him and help others and ways I can share His love with others and show them how much God loves us because He will always be there for us and loves us enough to do what is best for us even if it is not the easy way.  I know that as I face each day now it will be ok

Moving Forward

Well 2011 has ended and it is time to move forward into a new year full of new changes, new adventures, new goals and new accomplishments, but first let's review some of the great things that happened last year.  Last year started out rather dark and dismal for me, I was physically unhealthy, with a lot of sickness and seemed to be spending more and more time at the doctor and laid up.  I was at an age where it was going to be the beginning of more major health issues if I did not make some changes, I was also at a point where emotionally I just felt like I was drowning and could not go on one more day.  I was so depressed and did not care and so tired of trying to be the person I thought everyone else wanted me to be.  Spiritually I was not growing, I was becoming stagnant and started to question just what my faith and God meant to me, which if you know me is not normal for me to think.  Then God started doing great things.  I meet with the pastor at church and another lady, who has become a great friend and started talking about the issues that were causing my emotionally downness.  I started making changes and dealing with these issues and God did some amazing healing.  From March of last year to December were amazing changes, I let go of unforgiveness, quit trying to please others all the time, learned to put myself first sometimes and changed how I look at things and especially how I look at me.  God healed several relationships that were on the verge of being over and are now much better.  I learned to share how I feel with those that matter most to me because keeping things all bottled up are not healthy.  I learned it is ok to be who God made me to be even if that makes me quite different, in fact that is who God expects me to be and when I am that person I am very happy.  Emotionally 2011 went out on a high note and I am looking forward to seeing what 2012 holds for me in this area and for ways to use what I have learned to help others in 2012.  Physically, I was faced with a big decision, it was time to do something about my weight as it was taking a toll on my body and I felt killing me slowly day by day.  Now don't hear me wrong, I am not saying that is the case for all people who are overweight and I strongly feel that each persons battle with their weight is their own and people can support them but not force them to make changes and that people should never treat them badly because of it, being overweight is a tough battle to fight daily and I love and support any person going through that tough fight and hope that my story can possibly be a inspiration to them.  My doctor thought I was having a heart attack in April of 2011, I could not breathe and had chest pains often, we checked my heart out and all tests said things were good, but with the bad heart family history, my doctor said it was only a matter of time most likely especially with my other health issues until, I faced the same problem.  So with the help and support of my lovely family and close friends and my prayer warrior friends, I decided to pursue a major drastic change and started the journey to weight loss through bariatric surgery.  In the last three months of 2011 I have lost 99 pounds since surgery for a total of 126 since I started this journey.  I have gone down 2 sizes and best of all I feel so much better and am so much healthier than I was before.  Spriritually God started challenging me to grown the last few months and I am working on starting some new routines and disciplines to help me with this in 2012.  I want to be more positive and less negative, more loving, more helpful and share with others all God has done for me so that they will see He can do that for them to.  I look forward to the many adventures, changes and opportunities God brings my way in 2012.  One last thought, many of you may have realized that I channged the blog title, some people suggested I needed to so I could share about all my life changes not just my over weight life and I agree, I hope that maybe my journey can be a help and inspiration to others.  God bless you all in 2012.

Next Phase of the Journey

As I sit here typing this, thinking of all the things that being overweight has gotten in the way of or made hard for me over the years.  Thinking how I have not gone to certain events because I could not sit in the chairs and how I don't go to some places to eat because they only have booths.  I have not been able to walk and play sports like I once did and would like to, but most of all the toll it has taken on my health.  At 42 I am not able to do as much as some 70 year olds, I have constant struggles with cellulitis causing others to have to take care of me.  I have missed out on many opportunities over the years but no more.  Tomorrow I will be having bariartic surgery and then will start the next phase of the new me and a healthier me.  In the last 4 months I have been exercising and making changes that are healthier and have already seen many improvements.  Starting tomorrow will be the next big step to be a new healthier me by next summer.  I want anyone reading this to know one thing, I am not having surgery to help me lose weight because I want to look pretty or be skinny or because I think there is something wrong with heavy people.  I am doing it solely because at this point in my life the weight has begun to cause my body problems and made me very unhealthy and I have a lot to live for so I want to do what ever I can to be sure I am still here in 10, 20 even 30 years.  I don't need to lose weight to be pretty because I am already that, but I do need to lose it so I can be healthy.  If you are overweight I encourage you to move and be as active as you can, so you can be healthy and if you get to the point you can tell you are not healthy or are starting to slip that way, then seek out what things you can do to help change that, for each person that could be different things.  Life changing decisions like this have to be made by the person needing the life change and can't be pushed onto them by others.  So if you know someone who is overweight and you think they need to lose weight, don't gripe or nag them about it, they know it too, just love them and encourage and support them in whatever they do to try to get healthier.  Tonight I go to bed overweight and unhealthy physically, tomorrow I will start the journey to lose weight and be healthier physically.  My journey first had to start with me getting healthy emotionally, now God has put all the pieces together and soon we will see the new masterpiece he is working on. 

5 weeks and counting

Well surgery has been scheduled and I am on my way.  I am walking and trying to get as much exercise as possible.  I am making healthier eating choices and gearing up for the big changes ahead.  I will be having surgery Sept 9 and then will start the real journey to a new me.  I will make hard changes so that I can be a healthier me.  I want to lose weight but not so that I can be skinny or for how I will look, I want to be healthy enough to enjoy life again.  I want to be able to walk and play tennis and softball again and not get short of breath and have sore legs.  I want to be able to not wear compression stockings and to not have to take medicines.  Most of all I want to be around for a long time to enjoy my family and friends.  I look forward to all the new clothes I will be able to get and all the things I will be able to do again and some things I will be able to try for the first time.  I am praying that as I do my part God will multiple that so that a new me will emerge, physically, emotionally and spiritually, a new and improved me.  I hope that my journey can be an encouragement and inspiration to others who struggle with weight issues, they are no fun and people who have not weighed 400+ pounds can not begin to understand the everyday struggles we face.  I will keep you all posted as I walk this path and thank you for your support.

The Journey-The Beginning

About a month ago I started my journey to a healthier me.  It started with me making the decision to have bariatric surgery.  There was a time I thought this was taking the easy way out, but that was before I became educated about this procedure.  I know understand this is just a tool to maximize the hard work a person puts into this process.  I started this journey in May by going to the seminar and getting the information.  I then consulted good friends and my family and spent much time in prayer.  I feel this is the right step for me so I am proceeding.  I have now met twice with the dietitian and gained much useful knowledge from her.  I met today with the surgeon and got the green light to go ahead with surgery.  So later this week they will be calling to schedule my surgery and they pre op classes and tests needed.  Hopefully the surgery will be in about six weeks.  I went back and forth for a bit whether or not to share this information here as I was not sure I wanted everyone to know I was having surgery, but then I felt like God wanted me to share my journey with others so that it could be an encouragement to others.  Others who perhaps felt like me that surgery was the easy way out, trust me that is not the case.  I know this will be a task and it will be hard and will require commitment and hard work and I am determined to see it through.  For me the being smaller is just a side benefit, I want to do this so that I will be healthier and able to live a longer life with my family and friends and a better quality of life.  I have not entered into this process lightly but with much thought and prayer and I feel I have built an awesome team to help me though it.  I have family and friends who are there for me to encourage, to help me eat healthier, to take care of me after surgery and to be my walking buddies to help me get the exercise I need.  I also have a few prayer warriors who I know are covering the whole process in prayer with me and for me.  I have awesome co workers who are helping me by reminding me of the changes they know I have to make and encouraging me and supporting me.  I believe that God has created a team to help me through this and with their help and His guidance and strength, this will be a beautiful thing.  Stay tuned for more details to come.

New Direction

I started this blog mainly to bring attention to how people often put down overweight people and talk badly about them.  I wanted people to realize that we are people too and human and have feelings even though we are overweight.  Well apparently God has another plan for this blog.  I have been overweight most of my life and severely overweight for the last 10 plus years and it is starting to take a toll on my health so I after much prayer and seeking advice of my close friends and family have decided to embark on a journey to restore my health and you all will get to come along with me.  I am hoping that my adventure, determination and success will help others who might need to lose weight for their health.  Trust me though even if I lose a lot of weight and get healthier I will never look down on people who are overweight or think any less of them, because I understand what a difficult thing it is to leave with and to change.  I am in phase one of the journey now, where I am changing my eating habits and trying to break my addiction to diet pop and getting out and walking at least 5 days a week.  So far this week I have started off well but it is only Monday.  This dreaded heat does not make the task of walking easy, but I know that for each time I accomplish my daily goal of walking, God will honor and bless that with better health for me.  A friend told me a few days ago that I seemed committed this time to getting healthier, but I am not committed I am determined, I am looking straight ahead at the finish line and not letting my eyes wander to the left or the right.  I hope you all enjoy the upcoming posts and I hope that my journey down the path to better health can inspire others to do whatever it is they can little by little to improve their health everyday.  We owe it to ourselves and those we love to take care of ourselves and be as healthy as can be.